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Funny Quotes - BrainyQuote

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Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another cit...https://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/topics/topic_funny.html?vm=lhttps://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/topics/topic_funny.html?vm=l2017-04-21 06:17:05 UTC2017-04-21 06:17:05 UTC2017-04-21 06:17:05 UTC
I may be drunk, Miss, but in the morning I will be sober and you will still b...https://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/topics/topic_funny.html?vm=lhttps://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/topics/topic_funny.html?vm=l2017-04-21 06:17:05 UTC2017-04-21 06:17:05 UTC2017-04-21 06:17:05 UTC
Laziness is nothing more than the habit of resting before you get tired. Jule...https://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/topics/topic_funny.html?vm=lhttps://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/topics/topic_funny.html?vm=l2017-04-21 06:17:05 UTC2017-04-21 06:17:05 UTC2017-04-21 06:17:05 UTC
There are only three things women need in life: food, water, and compliments....https://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/topics/topic_funny.html?vm=lhttps://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/topics/topic_funny.html?vm=l2017-04-21 06:17:05 UTC2017-04-21 06:17:05 UTC2017-04-21 06:17:05 UTC
Always remember that you are absolutely unique. Just like everyone else. Marg...https://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/topics/topic_funny.html?vm=lhttps://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/topics/topic_funny.html?vm=l2017-04-21 06:17:05 UTC2017-04-21 06:17:05 UTC2017-04-21 06:17:05 UTC
People who think they know everything are a great annoyance to those of us wh...https://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/topics/topic_funny.html?vm=lhttps://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/topics/topic_funny.html?vm=l2017-04-21 06:17:05 UTC2017-04-21 06:17:05 UTC2017-04-21 06:17:05 UTC
To succeed in life, you need three things: a wishbone, a backbone and a funny...https://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/topics/topic_funny.html?vm=lhttps://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/topics/topic_funny.html?vm=l2017-04-21 06:17:05 UTC2017-04-21 06:17:05 UTC2017-04-21 06:17:05 UTC
A day without sunshine is like, you know, night. Steve Martin https://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/topics/topic_funny.html?vm=lhttps://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/topics/topic_funny.html?vm=l2017-04-21 06:17:05 UTC2017-04-21 06:17:05 UTC2017-04-21 06:17:05 UTC
Age is something that doesn't matter, unless you are a cheese. Luis Bunuel https://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/topics/topic_funny.html?vm=lhttps://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/topics/topic_funny.html?vm=l2017-04-21 06:17:05 UTC2017-04-21 06:17:05 UTC2017-04-21 06:17:05 UTC
Do not take life too seriously. You will never get out of it alive. Elbert Hu...https://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/topics/topic_funny.html?vm=lhttps://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/topics/topic_funny.html?vm=l2017-04-21 06:17:05 UTC2017-04-21 06:17:05 UTC2017-04-21 06:17:05 UTC
I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by. Dougla...https://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/topics/topic_funny.html?vm=lhttps://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/topics/topic_funny.html?vm=l2017-04-21 06:17:05 UTC2017-04-21 06:17:05 UTC2017-04-21 06:17:05 UTC
Wine is constant proof that God loves us and loves to see us happy. Benjamin ...https://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/topics/topic_funny.html?vm=lhttps://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/topics/topic_funny.html?vm=l2017-04-21 06:17:05 UTC2017-04-21 06:17:05 UTC2017-04-21 06:17:05 UTC
Roses are red, violets are blue, I'm schizophrenic, and so am I. Oscar Levant...https://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/topics/topic_funny.html?vm=lhttps://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/topics/topic_funny.html?vm=l2017-04-21 06:17:05 UTC2017-04-21 06:17:05 UTC2017-04-21 06:17:05 UTC
We are all here on earth to help others; what on earth the others are here fo...https://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/topics/topic_funny.html?vm=lhttps://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/topics/topic_funny.html?vm=l2017-04-21 06:17:05 UTC2017-04-21 06:17:05 UTC2017-04-21 06:17:05 UTC
Get your facts first, then you can distort them as you please. Mark Twain https://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/topics/topic_funny.html?vm=lhttps://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/topics/topic_funny.html?vm=l2017-04-21 06:17:05 UTC2017-04-21 06:17:05 UTC2017-04-21 06:17:05 UTC
Reality continues to ruin my life. Bill Watterson https://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/topics/topic_funny.html?vm=lhttps://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/topics/topic_funny.html?vm=l2017-04-21 06:17:05 UTC2017-04-21 06:17:05 UTC2017-04-21 06:17:05 UTC
If you're going to do something tonight that you'll be sorry for tomorrow mor...https://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/topics/topic_funny.html?vm=lhttps://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/topics/topic_funny.html?vm=l2017-04-21 06:17:05 UTC2017-04-21 06:17:05 UTC2017-04-21 06:17:05 UTC
Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes. Jim Carrey https://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/topics/topic_funny.html?vm=lhttps://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/topics/topic_funny.html?vm=l2017-04-21 06:17:05 UTC2017-04-21 06:17:05 UTC2017-04-21 06:17:05 UTC
No man has a good enough memory to be a successful liar. Abraham Lincoln https://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/topics/topic_funny.html?vm=lhttps://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/topics/topic_funny.html?vm=l2017-04-21 06:17:05 UTC2017-04-21 06:17:05 UTC2017-04-21 06:17:05 UTC
My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them. Mitch Hedberg https://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/topics/topic_funny.html?vm=lhttps://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/topics/topic_funny.html?vm=l2017-04-21 06:17:05 UTC2017-04-21 06:17:05 UTC2017-04-21 06:17:05 UTC
Everything is funny, as long as it's happening to somebody else. Will Rogers ...https://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/topics/topic_funny.html?vm=lhttps://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/topics/topic_funny.html?vm=l2017-04-21 06:17:05 UTC2017-04-21 06:17:05 UTC2017-04-21 06:17:05 UTC
Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company. Mark Twain https://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/topics/topic_funny.html?vm=lhttps://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/topics/topic_funny.html?vm=l2017-04-21 06:17:05 UTC2017-04-21 06:17:05 UTC2017-04-21 06:17:05 UTC
I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more spe...https://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/topics/topic_funny.html?vm=lhttps://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/topics/topic_funny.html?vm=l2017-04-21 06:17:05 UTC2017-04-21 06:17:05 UTC2017-04-21 06:17:05 UTC
Progress is man's ability to complicate simplicity. Thor Heyerdahl https://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/topics/topic_funny.html?vm=lhttps://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/topics/topic_funny.html?vm=l2017-04-21 06:17:05 UTC2017-04-21 06:17:05 UTC2017-04-21 06:17:05 UTC
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successf...https://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/topics/topic_funny.html?vm=lhttps://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/topics/topic_funny.html?vm=l2017-04-21 06:17:05 UTC2017-04-21 06:17:05 UTC2017-04-21 06:17:05 UTC
I can resist everything except temptation. Oscar Wilde https://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/topics/topic_funny.html?vm=lhttps://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/topics/topic_funny.html?vm=l2017-04-21 06:17:05 UTC2017-04-21 06:17:05 UTC2017-04-21 06:17:05 UTC
From there to here, and here to there, funny things are everywhere. Dr. Seuss...https://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/topics/topic_funny.html?vm=lhttps://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/topics/topic_funny2.html2017-04-21 06:17:05 UTC2017-04-21 06:17:05 UTC2017-04-21 06:17:05 UTC
I believe that if life gives you lemons, you should make lemonade... And try to ...https://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/topics/topic_funny.html?vm=lhttps://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/topics/topic_funny2.html2017-04-21 06:17:05 UTC2017-04-21 06:17:05 UTC2017-04-21 06:17:05 UTC
Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your li...https://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/topics/topic_funny.html?vm=lhttps://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/topics/topic_funny2.html2017-04-21 06:17:05 UTC2017-04-21 06:17:05 UTC2017-04-21 06:17:05 UTC
I believe in rules. Sure I do. If there weren't any rules, how could you brea...https://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/topics/topic_funny.html?vm=lhttps://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/topics/topic_funny2.html2017-04-21 06:17:05 UTC2017-04-21 06:17:05 UTC2017-04-21 06:17:05 UTC
When you are courting a nice girl an hour seems like a second. When you sit on a...https://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/topics/topic_funny.html?vm=lhttps://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/topics/topic_funny2.html2017-04-21 06:17:05 UTC2017-04-21 06:17:05 UTC2017-04-21 06:17:05 UTC
Weather forecast for tonight: dark. George Carlin https://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/topics/topic_funny.html?vm=lhttps://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/topics/topic_funny2.html2017-04-21 06:17:05 UTC2017-04-21 06:17:05 UTC2017-04-21 06:17:05 UTC
Procrastination is the art of keeping up with yesterday. Don Marquis https://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/topics/topic_funny.html?vm=lhttps://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/topics/topic_funny2.html2017-04-21 06:17:05 UTC2017-04-21 06:17:05 UTC2017-04-21 06:17:05 UTC
Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot. Groucho Marx https://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/topics/topic_funny.html?vm=lhttps://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/topics/topic_funny2.html2017-04-21 06:17:05 UTC2017-04-21 06:17:05 UTC2017-04-21 06:17:05 UTC
By all means let's be open-minded, but not so open-minded that our brains dro...https://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/topics/topic_funny.html?vm=lhttps://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/topics/topic_funny2.html2017-04-21 06:17:05 UTC2017-04-21 06:17:05 UTC2017-04-21 06:17:05 UTC
Any girl can be glamorous. All you have to do is stand still and look stupid....https://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/topics/topic_funny.html?vm=lhttps://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/topics/topic_funny2.html2017-04-21 06:17:05 UTC2017-04-21 06:17:05 UTC2017-04-21 06:17:05 UTC
May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house. George Carli...https://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/topics/topic_funny.html?vm=lhttps://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/topics/topic_funny2.html2017-04-21 06:17:05 UTC2017-04-21 06:17:05 UTC2017-04-21 06:17:05 UTC
It all started when my dog began getting free roll over minutes. Jay London https://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/topics/topic_funny.html?vm=lhttps://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/topics/topic_funny2.html2017-04-21 06:17:05 UTC2017-04-21 06:17:05 UTC2017-04-21 06:17:05 UTC
Forgiveness is a funny thing. It warms the heart and cools the sting. William...https://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/topics/topic_funny.html?vm=lhttps://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/topics/topic_funny2.html2017-04-21 06:17:05 UTC2017-04-21 06:17:05 UTC2017-04-21 06:17:05 UTC
If a cluttered desk is the sign of a cluttered mind, what is the significance of...https://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/topics/topic_funny.html?vm=lhttps://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/topics/topic_funny2.html2017-04-21 06:17:05 UTC2017-04-21 06:17:05 UTC2017-04-21 06:17:05 UTC
Don't talk about yourself; it will be done when you leave. Wilson Mizner https://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/topics/topic_funny.html?vm=lhttps://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/topics/topic_funny2.html2017-04-21 06:17:05 UTC2017-04-21 06:17:05 UTC2017-04-21 06:17:05 UTC
I actually think of being funny as an odd turn of mind, like a mild disability, ...https://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/topics/topic_funny.html?vm=lhttps://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/topics/topic_funny2.html2017-04-21 06:17:05 UTC2017-04-21 06:17:05 UTC2017-04-21 06:17:05 UTC
If you don't mind, it doesn't matter. Jack Benny https://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/topics/topic_funny.html?vm=lhttps://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/topics/topic_funny2.html2017-04-21 06:17:05 UTC2017-04-21 06:17:05 UTC2017-04-21 06:17:05 UTC
If at first you don't succeed... so much for skydiving. Henny Youngman https://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/topics/topic_funny.html?vm=lhttps://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/topics/topic_funny2.html2017-04-21 06:17:05 UTC2017-04-21 06:17:05 UTC2017-04-21 06:17:05 UTC
Design is a funny word. Some people think design means how it looks. But of cour...https://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/topics/topic_funny.html?vm=lhttps://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/topics/topic_funny2.html2017-04-21 06:17:05 UTC2017-04-21 06:17:05 UTC2017-04-21 06:17:05 UTC
I'd luv to kiss ya, but I just washed my hair. Bette Davis https://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/topics/topic_funny.html?vm=lhttps://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/topics/topic_funny2.html2017-04-21 06:17:05 UTC2017-04-21 06:17:05 UTC2017-04-21 06:17:05 UTC
I like bowling. I suck at it, but I like it. You know what's so funny? I have da...https://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/topics/topic_funny.html?vm=lhttps://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/topics/topic_funny4.html2017-04-21 06:17:05 UTC2017-04-21 06:17:05 UTC2017-04-21 06:17:05 UTC
If you want a guarantee, buy a toaster. Clint Eastwood https://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/topics/topic_funny.html?vm=lhttps://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/topics/topic_funny2.html2017-04-21 06:17:05 UTC2017-04-21 06:17:05 UTC2017-04-21 06:17:05 UTC
I saw a woman wearing a sweatshirt with Guess on it. I said, Thyroid problem? Ar...https://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/topics/topic_funny.html?vm=lhttps://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/topics/topic_funny2.html2017-04-21 06:17:05 UTC2017-04-21 06:17:05 UTC2017-04-21 06:17:05 UTC
What was really funny is that as I got older all those guys who called me a siss...https://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/topics/topic_funny.html?vm=lhttps://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/topics/topic_funny2.html2017-04-21 06:17:05 UTC2017-04-21 06:17:05 UTC2017-04-21 06:17:05 UTC
I love mankind; it's people I can't stand. Charles M. Schulz https://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/topics/topic_funny.html?vm=lhttps://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/topics/topic_funny2.html2017-04-21 06:17:05 UTC2017-04-21 06:17:05 UTC2017-04-21 06:17:05 UTC
I found there was only one way to look thin: hang out with fat people. Rodney...https://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/topics/topic_funny.html?vm=lhttps://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/topics/topic_funny2.html2017-04-21 06:17:05 UTC2017-04-21 06:17:05 UTC2017-04-21 06:17:05 UTC
Why do they call it rush hour when nothing moves? Robin Williams https://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/topics/topic_funny.html?vm=lhttps://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/topics/topic_funny2.html2017-04-21 06:17:05 UTC2017-04-21 06:17:05 UTC2017-04-21 06:17:05 UTC
I know you can be funny without being filthy. Jonathan Winters https://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/topics/topic_funny.html?vm=lhttps://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/topics/topic_funny4.html2017-04-21 06:17:05 UTC2017-04-21 06:17:05 UTC2017-04-21 06:17:05 UTC
My uncle Sammy was an angry man. He had printed on his tombstone: What are you l...https://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/topics/topic_funny.html?vm=lhttps://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/topics/topic_funny4.html2017-04-21 06:17:05 UTC2017-04-21 06:17:05 UTC2017-04-21 06:17:05 UTC
It's a funny thing that when a man hasn't anything on earth to worry about, he g...https://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/topics/topic_funny.html?vm=lhttps://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/topics/topic_funny5.html2017-04-21 06:17:05 UTC2017-04-21 06:17:05 UTC2017-04-21 06:17:05 UTC
I have a very low level of recognition, which is fine by me. Dylan Moran https://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/topics/topic_funny.html?vm=lhttps://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/topics/topic_funny5.html2017-04-21 06:17:05 UTC2017-04-21 06:17:05 UTC2017-04-21 06:17:05 UTC
I like to make jokes; I consider myself a funny person. I just think making joke...https://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/topics/topic_funny.html?vm=lhttps://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/topics/topic_funny6.html2017-04-21 06:17:05 UTC2017-04-21 06:17:05 UTC2017-04-21 06:17:05 UTC
I've always found it easier to be funny than to be serious. Molly Ivins https://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/topics/topic_funny.html?vm=lhttps://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/topics/topic_funny6.html2017-04-21 06:17:05 UTC2017-04-21 06:17:05 UTC2017-04-21 06:17:05 UTC
It's funny, because in deference to conventional wisdom, I spent my struggling w...https://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/topics/topic_funny.html?vm=lhttps://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/topics/topic_funny7.html2017-04-21 06:17:05 UTC2017-04-21 06:17:05 UTC2017-04-21 06:17:05 UTC
I love Charlie, Billy Burke's character. Writing for him is so spectacular, he's...https://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/topics/topic_funny.html?vm=lhttps://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/topics/topic_funny8.html2017-04-21 06:17:05 UTC2017-04-21 06:17:05 UTC2017-04-21 06:17:05 UTC
The one thing you shouldn't do is try to tell a cab driver how to get somewhere....https://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/topics/topic_funny.html?vm=lhttps://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/topics/topic_funny8.html2017-04-21 06:17:05 UTC2017-04-21 06:17:05 UTC2017-04-21 06:17:05 UTC
You see much more of your children once they leave home. Lucille Ball https://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/topics/topic_funny.html?vm=lhttps://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/topics/topic_funny8.html2017-04-21 06:17:05 UTC2017-04-21 06:17:05 UTC2017-04-21 06:17:05 UTC
I think there's something in the fact that it's hard to be good looking and funn...https://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/topics/topic_funny.html?vm=lhttps://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/topics/topic_funny9.html2017-04-21 06:17:05 UTC2017-04-21 06:17:05 UTC2017-04-21 06:17:05 UTC
People think it's funny that I enjoy dreaming so much. I just use it as a form o...https://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/topics/topic_funny.html?vm=lhttps://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/topics/topic_funny9.html2017-04-21 06:17:05 UTC2017-04-21 06:17:05 UTC2017-04-21 06:17:05 UTC
I try to sign for as many kids as possible. Kids come first, and I'll always sig...https://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/topics/topic_funny.html?vm=lhttps://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/topics/topic_funny10.html2017-04-21 06:17:05 UTC2017-04-21 06:17:05 UTC2017-04-21 06:17:05 UTC
Man cannot live by bread alone; he must have peanut butter. James A. Garfield...https://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/topics/topic_funny.html?vm=lhttps://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/topics/topic_funny11.html2017-04-21 06:17:05 UTC2017-04-21 06:17:05 UTC2017-04-21 06:17:05 UTC
If you want to be thought a liar, always tell the truth. Logan Pearsall Smith...https://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/topics/topic_funny.html?vm=lhttps://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/topics/topic_funny12.html2017-04-21 06:17:05 UTC2017-04-21 06:17:05 UTC2017-04-21 06:17:05 UTC
Laugh and the world laughs with you, snore and you sleep alone. Anthony Burge...https://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/topics/topic_funny.html?vm=lhttps://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/topics/topic_funny3.html2017-04-21 06:17:05 UTC2017-04-21 06:17:05 UTC2017-04-21 06:17:05 UTC
As soon as I realized you could be funny as a job, that was the job I wanted. Se...https://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/topics/topic_funny.html?vm=lhttps://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/topics/topic_funny3.html2017-04-21 06:17:05 UTC2017-04-21 06:17:05 UTC2017-04-21 06:17:05 UTC
If this is coffee, please bring me some tea; but if this is tea, please bring...https://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/topics/topic_funny.html?vm=lhttps://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/topics/topic_funny3.html2017-04-21 06:17:05 UTC2017-04-21 06:17:05 UTC2017-04-21 06:17:05 UTC
I was so naive as a kid I used to sneak behind the barn and do nothing. Johnny C...https://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/topics/topic_funny.html?vm=lhttps://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/topics/topic_funny4.html2017-04-21 06:17:05 UTC2017-04-21 06:17:05 UTC2017-04-21 06:17:05 UTC
It's funny, because there are so many stereotypes out there about actors and mov...https://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/topics/topic_funny.html?vm=lhttps://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/topics/topic_funny7.html2017-04-21 06:17:05 UTC2017-04-21 06:17:05 UTC2017-04-21 06:17:05 UTC
Every man has his follies - and often they are the most interesting thing he has...https://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/topics/topic_funny.html?vm=lhttps://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/topics/topic_funny7.html2017-04-21 06:17:05 UTC2017-04-21 06:17:05 UTC2017-04-21 06:17:05 UTC
My one regret in life is that I am not someone else. Woody Allen https://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/topics/topic_funny.html?vm=lhttps://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/topics/topic_funny8.html2017-04-21 06:17:05 UTC2017-04-21 06:17:05 UTC2017-04-21 06:17:05 UTC
The funny guy doesn't get the girl until later in life. High school, college, ev...https://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/topics/topic_funny.html?vm=lhttps://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/topics/topic_funny10.html2017-04-21 06:17:05 UTC2017-04-21 06:17:05 UTC2017-04-21 06:17:05 UTC
As soon as you are trying to be funny or dramatic, that's when things start feel...https://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/topics/topic_funny.html?vm=lhttps://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/topics/topic_funny10.html2017-04-21 06:17:05 UTC2017-04-21 06:17:05 UTC2017-04-21 06:17:05 UTC
I always believe that funny is serious and serious is funny. You don't really ne...https://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/topics/topic_funny.html?vm=lhttps://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/topics/topic_funny11.html2017-04-21 06:17:05 UTC2017-04-21 06:17:05 UTC2017-04-21 06:17:05 UTC
We are all born mad. Some remain so. Samuel Beckett https://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/topics/topic_funny.html?vm=lhttps://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/topics/topic_funny3.html2017-04-21 06:17:05 UTC2017-04-21 06:17:05 UTC2017-04-21 06:17:05 UTC
Isn't it funny how babies laugh a lot? I read a toddler, a young child laughs 30...https://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/topics/topic_funny.html?vm=lhttps://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/topics/topic_funny7.html2017-04-21 06:17:05 UTC2017-04-21 06:17:05 UTC2017-04-21 06:17:05 UTC
I think it's one of those funny things - sometimes you're not really friends wit...https://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/topics/topic_funny.html?vm=lhttps://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/topics/topic_funny10.html2017-04-21 06:17:05 UTC2017-04-21 06:17:05 UTC2017-04-21 06:17:05 UTC
It's so different when you change your hair color, you're treated so differently...https://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/topics/topic_funny.html?vm=lhttps://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/topics/topic_funny12.html2017-04-21 06:17:05 UTC2017-04-21 06:17:05 UTC2017-04-21 06:17:05 UTC
Conversation would be vastly improved by the constant use of four simple words: ...https://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/topics/topic_funny.html?vm=lhttps://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/topics/topic_funny3.html2017-04-21 06:17:05 UTC2017-04-21 06:17:05 UTC2017-04-21 06:17:05 UTC
I used to jog but the ice cubes kept falling out of my glass. David Lee Roth https://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/topics/topic_funny.html?vm=lhttps://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/topics/topic_funny5.html2017-04-21 06:17:05 UTC2017-04-21 06:17:05 UTC2017-04-21 06:17:05 UTC
I've never met a funny person who wasn't smart. I've met a lot of dramatic peopl...https://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/topics/topic_funny.html?vm=lhttps://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/topics/topic_funny10.html2017-04-21 06:17:05 UTC2017-04-21 06:17:05 UTC2017-04-21 06:17:05 UTC
Some of my fans don't really like it when I respond to people who say things tha...https://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/topics/topic_funny.html?vm=lhttps://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/topics/topic_funny13.html2017-04-21 06:17:05 UTC2017-04-21 06:17:05 UTC2017-04-21 06:17:05 UTC
I love fools' experiments. I am always making them. Charles Darwin https://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/topics/topic_funny.html?vm=lhttps://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/topics/topic_funny3.html2017-04-21 06:17:05 UTC2017-04-21 06:17:05 UTC2017-04-21 06:17:05 UTC
Being funny wasn't a career choice growing up, it was my way out of situations; ...https://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/topics/topic_funny.html?vm=lhttps://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/topics/topic_funny7.html2017-04-21 06:17:05 UTC2017-04-21 06:17:05 UTC2017-04-21 06:17:05 UTC
We know that the nature of genius is to provide idiots with ideas twenty years l...https://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/topics/topic_funny.html?vm=lhttps://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/topics/topic_funny10.html2017-04-21 06:17:05 UTC2017-04-21 06:17:05 UTC2017-04-21 06:17:05 UTC
Everything I like is either illegal, immoral or fattening. Alexander Woollcot...https://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/topics/topic_funny.html?vm=lhttps://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/topics/topic_funny13.html2017-04-21 06:17:05 UTC2017-04-21 06:17:05 UTC2017-04-21 06:17:05 UTC
What I am looking for is a blessing not in disguise. Jerome K. Jerome https://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/topics/topic_funny.html?vm=lhttps://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/topics/topic_funny3.html2017-04-21 06:17:05 UTC2017-04-21 06:17:05 UTC2017-04-21 06:17:05 UTC
I'm sorry, if you were right, I'd agree with you. Robin Williams https://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/topics/topic_funny.html?vm=lhttps://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/topics/topic_funny3.html2017-04-21 06:17:05 UTC2017-04-21 06:17:05 UTC2017-04-21 06:17:05 UTC
I have never been hurt by what I have not said. Calvin Coolidge https://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/topics/topic_funny.html?vm=lhttps://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/topics/topic_funny3.html2017-04-21 06:17:05 UTC2017-04-21 06:17:05 UTC2017-04-21 06:17:05 UTC
One of the funny things about the stock market is that every time one person buy...https://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/topics/topic_funny.html?vm=lhttps://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/topics/topic_funny3.html2017-04-21 06:17:05 UTC2017-04-21 06:17:05 UTC2017-04-21 06:17:05 UTC
A nickel ain't worth a dime anymore. Yogi Berra https://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/topics/topic_funny.html?vm=lhttps://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/topics/topic_funny3.html2017-04-21 06:17:05 UTC2017-04-21 06:17:05 UTC2017-04-21 06:17:05 UTC
Never floss with a stranger. Joan Rivers https://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/topics/topic_funny.html?vm=lhttps://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/topics/topic_funny4.html2017-04-21 06:17:05 UTC2017-04-21 06:17:05 UTC2017-04-21 06:17:05 UTC
There's a great power in words, if you don't hitch too many of them together. Jo...https://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/topics/topic_funny.html?vm=lhttps://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/topics/topic_funny4.html2017-04-21 06:17:05 UTC2017-04-21 06:17:05 UTC2017-04-21 06:17:05 UTC
Two wrongs don't make a right, but they make a good excuse. Thomas Szasz https://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/topics/topic_funny.html?vm=lhttps://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/topics/topic_funny5.html2017-04-21 06:17:05 UTC2017-04-21 06:17:05 UTC2017-04-21 06:17:05 UTC
I'm, like, super-clumsy and weird and funny and dorky. Shantel VanSanten https://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/topics/topic_funny.html?vm=lhttps://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/topics/topic_funny7.html2017-04-21 06:17:05 UTC2017-04-21 06:17:05 UTC2017-04-21 06:17:05 UTC
I'm spending a year dead for tax reasons. Douglas Adams https://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/topics/topic_funny.html?vm=lhttps://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/topics/topic_funny7.html2017-04-21 06:17:05 UTC2017-04-21 06:17:05 UTC2017-04-21 06:17:05 UTC
Data source unique ID
n3960_7d1ed3f1a1a75027ac64d8305c4ab5dceses
Privacy
Public
Last ran status
COMPLETED
Last ran
2017-04-21 06:17:05 UTC
Crawl Frequency
Not scheduled
Urls to Monitor
Use default URL in recipe

Sample code snippets to quickly import data set into your application

For more information on how to automatically trigger an import please reference our WebHook API guide


Integrating with Java

import java.io.BufferedReader;
import java.io.InputStreamReader;
import java.net.URL;
import java.net.URLConnection;
import java.util.Arrays;

public class HelloWorld {
  public static void main(String[] args) {

    try {
      URL urlCSV = new URL(
        "https://cache.getdata.io/n3960_7d1ed3f1a1a75027ac64d8305c4ab5dceses/latest_all.csv"
      );

      URLConnection urlConn = urlCSV.openConnection();
      InputStreamReader inputCSV = new InputStreamReader(
        ((URLConnection) urlConn).getInputStream()
      );
      BufferedReader br = new BufferedReader(inputCSV);

      String line;
      String[] fields;
      while ((line = br.readLine()) != null) {
        // Each row
        fields = line.split(",");
        System.out.println(Arrays.toString(fields));

      }
      // clean up buffered reader
      br.close();


    } catch (Exception e) {
      System.out.println(e.getMessage());
    }
  }   
}


Integrating with NodeJs

const csv     = require('csv-parser');
const https   = require('https');
const fs      = require('fs');

const file = fs.createWriteStream("temp_download.csv");
const request = https.get(
  "https://cache.getdata.io/n3960_7d1ed3f1a1a75027ac64d8305c4ab5dceses/latest_all.csv", 
  function(response) {
    response.pipe(file);
  }
);

file.on('finish', function() {
  file.close();
  fs.createReadStream('temp_download.csv').pipe(csv()).on('data', (row) => {
    // Each row
    console.log(row);

  }).on('end', () => {
    console.log('CSV file successfully processed');

  });
});



Integrating with PHP

$data = file_get_contents("https://cache.getdata.io/n3960_7d1ed3f1a1a75027ac64d8305c4ab5dceses/latest_all.csv");
$rows = explode("\n",$data);
$s = array();
foreach($rows as $row) {

  # Each row
  var_dump( $row);
  
}


Integrating with Python

import csv
import urllib2

url = 'https://cache.getdata.io/n3960_7d1ed3f1a1a75027ac64d8305c4ab5dceses/latest_all.csv'
response = urllib2.urlopen(url)
cr = csv.reader(response)

for row in cr:
  # Each row
  print row


Integrating with Ruby

require 'open-uri'
require 'tempfile'
require 'csv'

temp_file = Tempfile.new( "getdata", :encoding => 'ascii-8bit')
temp_file << open("https://cache.getdata.io/n3960_7d1ed3f1a1a75027ac64d8305c4ab5dceses/latest_all.csv").read
temp_file.rewind

CSV.foreach( open(uri), :headers => :first_row ).each do |row|      
  # Each row
  puts row
end

balsimpson owner
Kwasi Trim
Rohit Rad
Dompierre
M A

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